This is a movie that I was really looking forward to. When all the trailers came out and a lot of people started having doubts, I tried to remain calm and refrain from giving into the negativity. When people started making “Batfleck” jokes, I just wanted to give the guy a chance. When all of the negative reviews came out, I tried as hard as I could to remain objective.
So I finally got my ticket and prepared myself to give this movie a shot. I was hoping that maybe I would find something everybody else didn’t and that it would just be an above average movie. At worst, it would be just a disappointing superhero movie.
But God almighty, I did not expect this film to be a horrendous, nonsensical, flaming bag of feces.
During entire time, I felt like I was watching bits and clips torn apart from a finished movie and re-sewn together to make this incoherent mess called Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, AND IT’S A TWO-AND-A-HALF-HOUR LONG MOVIE.
There were a half dozen times where my mouth dropped in awe of just how incomprehensible the string of events mushed out. It was like Zack Snyder spent two and a half hours staring at me and yelping, “Do you like it when movies make sense? Do you like it when things get developed? WELL SCREW YOU, MOVIEGOER!!!”
There is not one performance in this movie that was better than decent. But honestly, I really cannot blame Henry Cavill or Ben Affleck or Jesse Eisenberg or anybody else for that matter, because I sincerely do not expect any actor to pull a good performance with this kind of script. It was like the script intentionally set out for every actor to fail. There was not one person that I could find myself caring about.
Though Cavill and Affleck both fit the persona of Superman and Batman respectively, I had problems with both performances. The movie never got me to care about Superman and failed to make him relatable, and I personally found Batman’s motivations to be make almost no sense. Both of these things would have been fixed if they spent more time developing both characters instead of screwing around.
And Lex Luthor…. dear God. I’m not sure which was worse: giving Jesse Eisenberg the role of Lex, or giving Zack Snyder ANY permission to ruin possibly one of the most well known DC villains of all time. Has that man even seen or read ANYTHING that has Lex Luthor in it? For the role that Eisenberg was given to play, I cannot say that he did a bad job, but the lines he was given were unbearable.
(Yes, I know he’s supposed to be Lex Luthor’s kid and was named after him, but that decision in and of itself was stupid.)
The dialogue in general felt completely uninspired. It was boring at best, nonsensical at midlevel, and laughably inept at worst. Zero effort was made to make the dialogue meaningful, developing, or subtle. And all the while this awful dialogue is being forced through, things just happen. Because movie. I guess.
The flow of the movie was completely non-existent. Nearly every scene transition felt awkward and choppy, like they glossed over a bunch of important details from one scene transition to the next. This fact wouldn’t be so bad if half the scenes in the movie weren’t being wasted on useless bullshit in the first place.
There were times in the movie where I imagined Zack Snyder went to his crew with a coloring book he made when he was five and said “Guys, wouldn’t it be cool if we put THIS in the movie?!”, and despite everybody telling him that it wouldn’t make any sense to put it in the film, he did it anyway because he thought it’d be super neat.
God, did I hate this movie. I spent the first half hoping, begging, and then pleading for the movie to get better. I spent the second half of the movie distraught at the cinematic diarrhea I just experienced.
Was there anything that I liked….?
Well, Jeremy Irons as Alfred was pretty good. I’m glad he wasn’t in the movie a lot or he too would have been ruined.
I thought some of the fighting sequences during the last half were fun to watch.
There’s this scene involving flashbacks that I thought was extremely unintentionally hilarious… but I won’t give BvS credit for that.
And that’s it.
I’ve been fighting with myself all night on what rating I was going to give this movie. I’ve hated a lot of movies that I’ve seen in theaters this year, but I have yet to have a film dampen my soul like Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice has done. I’ve never seen a film been given so much and do so little with it quite like this. I’ve never seen a film seem like it was trying this hard to not make any sense……. and I’m giving this movie a 2 out of 10.