Oh hey guys, I’m back.
What happened to me? School. The answer is always school.
But my last final ended tonight, so I celebrated by getting back into the swing of things. I’ll be free every night this weekend, so if there’s a movie I haven’t seen that you think I should review, let me know, because I have A LOT to choose from.
Anyway, what better way to get back into the swing of things than to talk about the second turd of a film that Emma Watson starred in this year? Holy crap, this movie. This movie currently takes the cake for most dumbed-down, condescending plot of 2017.
Our protagonist is Mae, a girl whose motivations are completely nonsensical, underdeveloped, and stupid. It’s hard to give full blame to Watson’s performance (like I did for her wooden performance in Beauty and the Beast) because the script is woefully inept in establishing any consistent character traits among any of our characters, let alone Mae. The girl has numerous scenes where she seems weirded out about her new employer, The Circle, and the bizarre way they handle things, and then the next scene happens, and it’s as if she completely forgot about her concerns.
It wouldn’t hurt to mention that Watson fails to keep a consistent American accent. There were at least a dozen times where I could hear her British accent creep into her lines.
Every single friend and parent character that surround Mae serve merely to inform the audience of how you should feel about her actions. Her parents are walking props that first serve to make you feel sorry for her dad’s health conditions and Mae’s poorness, and then they later serve to make you want to wag your finger at Mae for how she neglects them because of her new job. There is almost nothing else about their characters that the movie even bothered developing. There were moments and conversations where Mae’s talking to them, and I gave the movie some credit and thought they were legitimately establishing some sort of interesting problems or traits, but nope, the script, as per the rest of the movie, was completely unaware of what the hell it was even trying to accomplish.
Mae’s childhood friend is the unintentional comic relief. The boy was a TERRIBLE actor in every sense of the word. There’s a scene where he goes to Mae, because Mae posted a picture of his antler art work on social media. And he gets mad at her because everyone on the internet unanimously starts calling him a “deer killer”. No, I’m not making this up.
And holy crap, the boy says to Mae, in a nasally whiny voice, “I’ve been getting death threats, Mae. DEATH THREATS!” Funniest line of the year. I was in pain because of how hard I was trying not to laugh hysterically.
John Boyega plays the embodiment of plot convenience. His character’s relationship with Mae was completely inorganic and inconsequential. The movie never provides a good explanation as to why he trusts Mae instantaneously when they first met, and consistently does so even after Mae drinks The Circle koolaid.
Finally, we have Tom Hanks, the evil
There’s some other key characters in this story, but I won’t bother talking about them because it would be a waste of time.
The script is a complete catastrophe. The dialogue was frequently awkward, cheesy, and overly expository. This movie seemed to follow the motto of “tell, not show” in every single scene. Worst of all, it never seems interested in actually establishing any sort of cause-and-effect relationship with any of the characters in this movie. It was almost as if they just had an idea of where they wanted the story to go from A to Z, but couldn’t care less about how they actually got there.
Because of this, the entire movie was dreadfully boring. I never got emotionally invested in this film, and I mentally checked out about an hour into the movie.
There’s some cool concepts that the film brings to the table, but they’re never explained or explored in a way that absorbs you into the world that’s being created.
Seriously guys, this movie is dumb. It’s “The Ethics of Privacy for Stupid People: The Movie”. Nothing about it makes sense, every single piece of it is dumbed down, and I’m honestly done thinking about this flaming pile of dog droppings.
2 out of 10