SHOP TALK: Avengers: Infinity War (Spoilers)

Hey guys, this is an article that I’m writing because I had more thoughts about Infinity War, and I wanted to bring them all to this article instead of putting them in my review and spoiling everyone.

This will be very spoiler heavy, so I wouldn’t recommend reading this if you haven’t seen the movie yet. If you haven’t, and you don’t care about spoilers, go for it.

 

 

 

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Here’s a start, I essentially predicted that Thanos was going to win. Why? Because some mother fuckers decided to spoil the movie on Facebook and Twitter. Fuck you guys. I unfriended 3 people on Facebook and one person on Twitter.

Here’s what you shouldn’t do when you go and watch Infinity Wars: you shouldn’t post on Facebook that you’re watching “Avengers: Infinity War Part 1”. The official title of the movie doesn’t even have a “Part 1” on it! What the hell made you think that posting that as what you were “Now Watching” was fucking okay??

I know it may seem obvious to you that Infinity War was meant to be two parts, but since the title wasn’t “Infinity War: Part 1”, I was giving the movie the benefit of a doubt. Another person posted about how he didn’t think the ending was all that surprising because “you know they’re going to address it in part 2, right?”

Honestly, what the hell is wrong with you? Essentially when I saw all of these posts, my mind immediately went to “Oh okay, if there’s going to be a part 2, then the only logical conclusion is that Thanos is going to win in this movie.”

Another guy decided to comment about how many people die in this movie by comparing it to the “Red Wedding”… which basically ruined the gauntlet-finger-flick for me.

Essentially, you three people on Facebook, and you one person on Twitter killed any chance for the movie to surprise me in any SERIOUS way, and I will not miss you as friends or followers. I’m honestly so mad about this that I want to name blast all four of you, but obviously that would be a horrible thing to do, so I won’t.

I know there’s a possibility that some people think I’m overreacting… but I watch so many movies that it’s easy for me to get spoiled by small details. I can’t be the only one who’s like this.

 

 

As a side note, all the people who are tweeting “Infinity War spoilers without context”, there was enough context in most of them to spoil the movie for some people. I hope your lame attempt at humor was worth that.

 

 

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There’s a reason I put this picture as the heading: it wasn’t even in the movie!

Shame on Marvel.

Infinity War gets a 2 out of 10.

Despicable.

 

 

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I was so bummed when Ebony Maw died. There was just something about his presence, his demeanor, and his methodical approach to everything that made him so fascinating to me. Obviously, his death didn’t affect my grade, but I honestly found him somewhat more interesting than Thanos.

Speaking of which, when Ebony flew out of that hole in his spaceship and died, I leaned over to my brother next to me and said, “Oh what do you know? Disney DOES know that the vacuum of space exists.”

I would’ve made a quip about Ebony pulling a “Mary Poppins”, but that would’ve been too obvious.

 

 

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Okay, let’s talk death (and my prediction).

I heard Disney executive Kevin Feige say that everyone that died in Infinity War will stay dead.

There are only two ways to interpret this:

  1. He meant every single person that died, including when Thanos snapped his fingers.
  2. He was separating the people who died in the film outside of the finger-snap, and the people that turned to ash after the finger-snap.

If he meant number 1, he is a liar. I don’t believe him for a second. The only plausible interpretation is number 2.

And if number 2 is correct, here is who we lost: Loki, Heimdall (Idris Elba), Gamora, and Vision.

If number 1 is correct, we also lost Spider-Man, Doctor Strange, Black Panther, Falcon, Winter Soldier, ALL the GOTG except for Rocket, Scarlet Witch, and Nick Fury (and Mariah Hill).

 

Now, if number 1 is correct, then holy shit. Bravo. I was not giving Disney enough credit, and I’d love to see how they’re going to utilize this massive loss. But we all know that there is going to be a macguffin in Part 2, because we’re not going to lose the highly profitable Black Panther, Spider-Man, and Doctor Strange… and when they finally kill off Captain America, they will likely replace him with Falcon or Winter Soldier (like they did in the comics).

This is just my prediction, by the way.

 

 

MV5BMTUyNjY3OTMxN15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMDA3Njk5NDM@._V1_SX1777_CR0,0,1777,936_AL_.jpgThe single stupidest part of Infinity War (for me), is when the Guardians meet up with Thor, and they decide a point of attack… and then Thor, a god of Thunder, decides that four randy aliens (Star Lord, Gamora, Drax, and uh… Awkward-Mantis) should go and try to “stop Thanos” from getting the red infinity stone.

Seriously?

Thanos just killed all of your people along with Loki and Heimdall. He also single-handedly bested The Hulk.

Thor was either a moron, or he was an asshole, because he would have known that there was no way the four of them would have stood a chance… unless he for some reason thought they were all gods, too (unlikely).

This was just a poorly laid-out excuse for Gamora to fall into Thanos’s hands.

(SECOND VIEWING EDIT: This is kind of embarrassing. I misinterpreted this scene entirely. When they’re talking about going to Thanos, it was GAMORA who wanted to go fight Thanos. In response, Thor lightly mocked the idea and more-or-less said that they were all going to die. So although it’s still dumb that Gamora wanted to go fight Thanos, it’s less a flaw with the plot, and more of a flaw with the character, which is fine.)

 

 

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Speaking of which, where the hell was Valkyrie in this movie? I understand you need to make budget cuts somewhere (I didn’t have gripes with Ant Man or Hawkeye not being in this movie), but Valkyrie was on the ship Thanos attacked as well… the movie HAD to address that… but it didn’t. Why not?

I know Thor said something about “they killed half of my people”… so that might’ve implied that Valkyrie and the other half escaped, but if so, how??? What a lazy way to try to tie that end up.

Also, while we’re at it, RIP Korg, I guess.

(SECOND VIEWING: Nope. Wasn’t answered.)

 

Hulk-Infinity.jpgSecond stupidest part: it sure was convenient that Banner couldn’t change into The Hulk. Based on my interpretation, it seemed like The Hulk was ashamed of being bested by Thanos… and that’s plausible I guess, but it felt really dumb to me regardless.

(SECOND VIEWING: Yes, I still thought this was dumb, BUT I’m willing to hear an explanation for this in the sequel. MAYBE they’ll have a good reason for it. Either way, this part doesn’t really affect my grade too much anyway.)

 

 

MV5BMTk0OTc5Njg5M15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNTc4MjkzNTM@._V1_SX1777_CR0,0,1777,932_AL_.jpgThird stupidest part: what a dumb cop-out they made for Star Lord to lose his cool and ruin the party’s chances to get the infinity gauntlet. It felt extremely cheap.

 

 

(SECOND VIEWING: Yes, this is still stupid. I understand that this is also considered a character flaw on Star Lord’s part… and I’ll just accept that from the story, but it’s still a really stupid and convenient way for the heroes to fail.)

 

 

 

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One part I thought was stupid until I actually thought about it: when Doctor Strange gave Thanos the time infinity stone. At first, I thought this was some cheap, unearned character arc (oh, now he cares about people more than protecting sacred relics). But then, as Doctor Strange turned to ash, he said “Tony, it was the only way.”

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHH.

At first, I disregarded when Strange said there was only ONE way he found to beat Thanos out of 14 million possibilities, and when Star Lord rage-quit the guild’s plan, I thought that meant they were unsuccessful in executing the “one way”.

But when Strange said “Tony, it was the only way”, I realized that Strange giving the stone to Thanos WAS part of the “one way”.

I liked that. It was great. I hope they expand on WHY it was the only way in the next movie.

 

 

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Did anyone think it was weird that Corvus Glaive and Proxima Midnight had such an easy time dismantling Scarlett Witch and Vision, the two proclaimed most powerful beings in the MCU, but had a hard time counter-attacking Captain America, Black Widow, and Falcon (one super soldier and two that are just very capable humans)?

It wasn’t THAT big of a deal to me. But I just thought it was weird.

(SECOND VIEWING: Even though it’s still weird, it seems like The Russo brothers were able to make this odd part of the film make sense through combat strategy.)

 

 

 

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There were two thoughts I had when Red Skull told Thanos he had to sacrifice the thing he loved most to get the soul stone.

1: Holy crap it’s Red Skull! Is Hugo Weaving voicing him? I bet he isn’t (hold on, quick Google search… no, it was someone else).

2: Oh okay, Gamora is gonna die.

 

While we’re at it, I don’t think the deaths in Infinity War were not all that risky. Loki hit his expiration date a long time ago. Heimdall is a throwaway character (love Idris Elba, but it’s true). Vision was never going to get his own movie, so that was a safe bet.

The only death that I thought was admirable was Gamora, and even then, it’s not like she’s irreplaceable. My prediction is that Nebula is going to take her place… either that or Awkward Mantis will take up the role as the female Guardian.

Again, if all the people who died during the infinity stone purge are gone for good, then this whole part of the article is moot.

But we all know that’s not going to happen.

 

 

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I am interested in what that end credits scene meant. The end credits scene would’ve been cooler if they kept the Captain Marvel movie under wraps, but hopefully it’ll lead to something epic-ish.

I’m not even sure what Captain Marvel’s super power even is (except being played by Brie Larson… spoiler alert by the way: “I, Simon” is gonna give this movie a 10/10. Calling it right now).

 

 

 

That’s all I got for ya. Hope you enjoyed the article.

 

 

SECOND VIEWING: I don’t know why, but during the first viewing, I was really abrasive to Thor as a character. During my second viewing, I really appreciated his character development…

Maybe it was just my leftover annoyances with Thor: Ragnarok… maybe I should stop trying to watch movies at midnight. Either way, I liked Thor more on the second viewing, and he really makes this movie better.

 

ALSO, during the part where all of the heroes die because of Thanos? When Black Panther started dying, a little kid apparently was so upset that he ran out of the theater. It was really sad!

It gave me even more appreciation for this movie. 

That probably sounds terrible, but it’s true.

 

Okay, NOW I’m done with the article.